Minor Epiphanies 1.2

On having the constitution of a frail Victorian child

Ten days ago, my throat was a little scratchy. I chalked it up to allergies or a light cold, thinking my immune system was a little rundown after recent chaotic travels. At least, I assured myself and others around me, it isn’t COVID. 

I’d had COVID three weeks before. Yes, my sore throat, fatigue, and nose dripping like a faucet had been annoying, but more annoying was that after two years of living like a cautious hermit, I’d tested positive upon arrival in Florence, Italy. Due to quarantining my contagious self away, the only “touring” I did involved longingly gazing through my window while waiting for my symptoms to disappear and for a string of negative tests. 

My saving grace?

1. Deliveries of the most delicious pasta and pizza and gelato in the world (obvi.)

2. I now felt like a superhuman. Two vaccines + booster + bout of COVID? I was clear for 90 days!

Yeah . . . not quite. 

Ten days ago, I shrugged off my scratchy throat, but by nighttime, my throat was on FIRE. We brainstormed that it could be Strep or Mono — or any variety of infections COVID stripped from our memory. Eventually, my husband suggested I take a COVID test just to be sure.

Positive! #&%@!?

After a weekend spent blowing my nose + soothing my throat (as well as cradling my head + vomiting because #migrainelife), I continued to test positive. I couldn’t believe it, but my doc confirmed such quick rebound cases are possible. Side note: my friend, who is a pharmacist in a hospital, said she’s seen rebound cases too . . . in elderly patients. Oof.

If anyone was bound to get a rare rebound case, it’s me. No shade to my younger self, but I was a clumsy and sickly child. I constantly fell over, and usually without any obstacles to prompt my falls. My body was a bruised peach. I once landed on my face and wound up with a long welt down my nose, which I proudly declared made me look like The Lion King’s Scar (I was always fascinated by villains). My Mom enrolled me in dance, which eventually helped me stay vertical and sparked a sense of spatial awareness. 

When I didn’t have an ear infection, I had “tummy troubles,” which were probably childhood migraines, and my undiagnosed anxiety only amped up those belly aches and created a variety of other physical symptoms. Once I was in high school, I was going through pain killers at alarming rates and spent my weekends vomiting. By the time I was 24 and met a gracious campus doctor, I finally had a word for the cycles of pain and nausea: migraines.

Living in a body that fluctuates so much is exhausting. I only learned/realized last year that I’m “episodically disabled” — aka disabled during a migraine and able-bodied when I’m not. Even when I’m not in pain, I’m vigilantly avoiding triggers, taking various actions to prevent attacks, and catching up on life + tasks + work I missed while bedridden.

In happy news, my migraines have become less frequent and less painful over the last five months. I also have an incredible neurologist and nurse, coupled with more tools to track, treat, and prevent them. I feel like I have my life back. I can make plans for the future. And there’s no better feeling than when my Migraine Buddy App sends the notification, “It’s been 9 days since your last migraine.” To my chronic pain bbs out there: I hope you too find relief so very soon.

For bonus content, here’s a poem I wrote last October about this topic:

"Do I qualify for the disability extension?"

My pain is episodic.
                                    Sporadic. 

On again and off again,
my migraines are a shitty ex —
                        When will she show? 
            How long will he stay?

Pinned to my bed
one-third of each month,
                        I’m vomit-stained
                                    and aching.
I always forget how much
            my body can hurt
until she does. 

My relief is episodic. 
            Sporadic.

Eventually, I’m vertical and
            making up for lost time — 
writing and conversing and 
squeezing grass between toes.

Living my life
two-thirds of each month,
            I’m hydrated 
            and bellyfull.
I always forget how good
my body can feel
            until she does. 

This Minor Epiphany recommends: 

Podcast ep: “Dolorology (PAIN) with Dr. Rachel Zoffness.” Ologies with Alie Ward.

Podcast: The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs, LCSW

App: Migraine Buddy. This app really helps you learn your triggers and prodrome symptoms. Plus it has helpful tracking data for your care team!